Position Your Partner
Sex positions are positions which people may adopt during or for the purpose of sexual intercourse or other sexual activities. The depiction of erotic behavior (as in pictures or writing) intended to enhance sexual excitement is known as Pornography. Sexual acts are generally described by the positions the participants adopt in order to perform those acts.
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LUST - unbridled seeking of the pleasure of sex without directing it to its due end which is the generation of human life and intimate companionship within marriage. It is a cause of such vices as mental blindness, inconstancy, rashness, thoughtlessness and selfishness.
Dr. Carnes mentions that:
Al Cooper (one of the original researchers in internet sex) described internet
sex as the ‘crack cocaine’ of sexual addiction because it is an accelerant for
adults of all stages of the lifespan. He felt that people would never have the
problem if it had not been for the internet.
Sexual addiction has been portrayed in the 2005 film I Am a Sex Addict, the 2008 film Choke and the 2011 film Shame. It also is a core theme of Thanks for Sharing, 2012.
Too Much Internet Porn: The SADD Effect
Thinkstock
Better Man in brief ...
SADD
refers to Sexual Attention Deficit Disorder.
Men used to the
instant gratification of internet porn can struggle to maintain an
erection.
Suffer from SADD? Take a masturbation break.
"Easy
access to internet porn and the sheer variety of novelty it contains
have affected average guys who wouldn t normally have a problem."
As a sex therapist and founder of Good in Bed, I’ve seen a
sharp increase in men who suffer from a new syndrome I’ve dubbed
“Sexual Attention Deficit Disorder,” or SADD. And the source of
this problem is just a click away -- too much internet porn.
Just
as people with ADD are easily distracted, guys with SADD have become
so accustomed to the high levels of visual novelty and stimulation
that comes from internet porn that they’re unable to focus on real
sex with a real woman. As a result, guys with SADD often find it
difficult to maintain an erection during intercourse, or they
experience delayed ejaculation and can only climax with manual or
oral stimulation.
Bored in bed?
Men with SADD tend to find
themselves getting bored or impatient during sex. They may be
physiologically aroused and erect, but they’re not at peak mental
arousal. Guys with SADD may also simply lack the mojo for real sex
because they’re depleted from masturbation. They’re not running
on a full tank, physically or mentally.
Believe it or not, I
first became aware of SADD via the complaints of women who wondered
why their guys couldn’t ejaculate (and were often faking it) or who
noticed that their partners seemed disconnected or uninterested
during sex. When I dug a little deeper, or talked to the guys
themselves, I realized that these men were masturbating more than
usual due to their easy access to internet porn. Sometimes, they were
masturbating about the same as always, but hadn’t realized that
their natural refractory period -- the recovery time between
erections -- was increasing as they aged.
Don’t get me
wrong, I’m a big fan of masturbation. It helps a guy blow off some
steam and is like a 30-second spa day. But easy access to internet
porn and the sheer variety of novelty it contains have affected
average guys who wouldn’t normally have a problem. Because of this,
these men have rewired their brains to crave the instant
gratification of a porn-enabled orgasm. This means that they’re
developing what’s clinically referred to as an idiosyncratic
masturbatory style: They’ve accustomed themselves to an intense
type of physical stimulation that’s not approximated during real
sex. Their overall levels of sexual desire for their partners are
down, and they need to fantasize during real sex in order to maintain
a full erection.
Think you suffer from SADD? Here's what to do.
http://www.askmen.com/dating/love_tip_500/566b_too-much-internet-porn-the-sadd-effect.html
http://www.askmen.com/dating/love_tip_400/404_love_tip.html
Why men fall asleep after sex
Men fall asleep after sex for several main reasons—none of which are related to you
By Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen
He’s lost that spiritual feeling
Don’t be insulted if your partner starts sawing logs right after your most intimate moments together. Men fall asleep after sex for several main reasons—none of which are related to your relationship, personality or performance in bed.
His body is transformed
“A man’s body chemistry changes after orgasm," says David McKenzie, a sex therapist in Vancouver. "The biochemical prolactin is released, physically altering his body and making him very tired.” In contrast, women may not orgasm every time they have sex. So, after rocking your lover’s world, you may still be semi-aroused and have the energy to talk about love and life while he’s drifting off to dreamland.
Mark Leyner and Billy Goldberg, M.D., authors of Why Do Men Fall Asleep After Sex?, offer an additional biological explanation: “It is thought that exertion during sex and after climax depletes the muscles of energy-producing glycogen. This leaves men feeling sleepy. Since men have more muscle mass than women, men become more tired after sex.” Leyner and Goldberg state that there is little direct evidence to explain men falling asleep, though, after orgasm, the chemicals oxytocin, prolactin, gamma amino butyric acid (GABA) and endorphins all contribute to that “roll over and snore” feeling.
He’s lost that spiritual feeling
Tantric sex focuses on the enlightening, spiritual aspects of sex. The merging of two bodies is a sacred act that increases awareness by channeling energy and lifting the couple to a different plane. Sex—and orgasm—is the pinnacle of spiritual awareness, and represents the unification of male and female energy. Leyner and Goldberg suggest that since a man’s orgasm is external, it causes the loss of that energy (through ejaculation). In contrast, a woman’s orgasm is an internal explosion of energy. Since she doesn’t experience that same outward loss of energy, she’s ready to cuddle for hours.
He’s just not that into talking
Laurie Betito, a Montreal psychologist specializing in sex therapy, says, “Women like to ‘process’ their experiences, hence the desire to talk after sex.” Communication tends to be easier and more natural for women. If a man isn’t a great communicator at the best of times, he’ll be even less likely to engage in a heart-to-heart when he’s flat on his back.
According to “America’s sex therapist” Ian Kerner, cuddling after sex “helps to reinforce intimacy, attachment and an overall sense of connection and commitment.” So, finding ways to bond after sex can strengthen your whole relationship.
3 ways to keep him awake
To increase the cuddles after sex:
- Initiate a lovefest before eating breakfast, lunch or dinner (he may be less likely to fall asleep if he’s hungry). Then, bond over scrambled eggs or a candlelit meal.
- Do the wild thing early in the evening, such as before his favourite TV show. Avoid having sex late at night when you’re tired, which almost guarantees the Zs.
- Compromise on a predetermined amount of time to cuddle after sex. If you want to talk for 30 minutes and he only wants to give you five, meet somewhere in the middle: say, 15 minutes.
It’s not all about him
Human Sexuality author and psychologist Roger R. Hock writes that “both men and women usually feel relaxed, warm, content and sleepy” after sex. One of our sex experts offers a slightly different perspective: “Not all men fall asleep after sex. Some do enjoy cuddling or talking afterwards,” says Dr McKenzie. “Sometimes it’s the female partner who falls asleep first.”
If he does keep marching off to the land of nod every time you have sex, remember that sleepiness doesn’t necessarily mean your relationship isn’t strong or close—or that he doesn’t love you. On the contrary, his Zs may actually prove just how happy and satisfied he is.
Isn't the reason people talk about safe sex is because their is something that is threatening their sexual behaviors. Mainly they refer to diseases and unwanted pregnancies. And the methods they employ in order to prevent this are usually not always effective. But isn't the threat of someone using sexual intercourse to destroy another a threat. Such as someone claiming rape, or someone ruining the career of another because of linking another to some acquaintance that's immoral.
The Catholic church denied the use of contraceptives as it views one have intercourse then preventing the pregnancy as wrong. As one talking to another individual then preventing them from hearing. I do not know about that but I do think if contraceptives were not available their would be a lot more pregnancies and people would regulate their sexual behaviours.
Mr. Bill Clinton said "I did not sleep with...."
What would be wrong with President Bill having two or more wives, wasn't this some form of abuse against Bill, and because it touched on sex why cant we call it sexual abuse, wasn't he hurt emotionally.
Doesn't the Law of God deny one from performing some sexual acts, how safe is someone who performs this acts, what happens to them, when talking about safe sex, how safe is one who is breaking divine sexual laws.
KJV Romans 1:18 For the wrath of God is revealed from heaven against all ungodliness and unrighteousness of men, who hold the truth in unrighteousness;
Doesn't the "seduction multi-billion industry" only want tones of your hard earned income. Are they really concerned about you hitting it, your success with a partner, or your happiness."
Think about this, those who watch television end up purchasing movies to watch, while those who have never watch are less likely to purchase videos. The same with books. If one spends considerable amount of time in the free material from the seduction industry, guess what happens..
Christian View
In a business contract, the negotiators themselves decide the terms: how
long the contract will endure, when it will expire, how many and who will be
involved in it, what its conditions are, and so on. such contracts, since they
are instituted by men, can be dissolved by men: either by the contracting
parties themselves or by the state, should the common good demand it. The
marriage contract, however, is in a class by itself. Marriage was not instituted
by men, or by the state, but by God. Nor did men determine the conditions of
this unique agreement. It was God alone who, at the beginning of human history,
settled forever how the contract should be negotiated, who should be involved in
it, what its purposes are, when it terminates. The state had no share in the
arrangement; in fact the state was not even in existence when it was arranged.
The state did not make marriage-quite the reverse: marriage makes the state, for
it is union of families which constitutes a civic society. Not having made
marriage, therefore, the state cannot break it. The wedding contract belongs to
God; He initiated it; He owns it. It is superior to the state, it is more sacred
than the state, it lies beyond the reach of the state. No matter what measures a
civil government may adopt, it can never succeed in severing the marriage bond
in the all truthful gaze of God the couple still remain linked as man and wife.
John Walsh S.J. © 1959 "This is Catholicism" A Comprehensive and Lucid
Explanation of the Catholic Faith In Question and Answer Form @ Page 274
If you are thinking of your wife while looking at this positions is it wrong as per the bulleted info below.
• MATTHEW 5:28
SEX/INTERCOURSE/IMMORALITY WITHOUT CONTACT. WHO IS A
VIRGIN
• 1 CORINTHIANS 6:16
CONNECTED TO HARLOTRY
• 1 CORINTHIANS
7:1-16, 7:25-38, 9:19, SIRACH 36:22-27, Hebrews 13:4, MATTHEW 19:12 CELIBACY
OR/AND MARRIAGE
• EXODUS 20:4, 25:18 WORSHIP OF GRAVEN (DEAD) IMAGES ( SCULPTURES CARVINGS PICTURES PHOTOS TV MOVIES, INTERNET (EG FACEBOOK, PORN), HOLLYWOOD, GAMES( EG PS....) FORBIDDEN, SPENDING THE WHOLE DAY DOING THIS AND NEVER GET TIME FOR GOD. HOLLY PEOPLE DO NOT WORSHIP THE IMAGES AT THERE PLACES OF WORSHIP, THE IMAGES ARE THERE TO REACH OUT TO A WORLD THAT ONLY KNOWS AND BELIEVES IN WHAT THEY SEE. WORSHIP HAS TO DO WITH THE HEART.
KJV Song of Solomon 1:2 Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth: for thy love is better than wine.
KJV Hebrews 13: 4 Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.
KJV Song of Solomon 7:1-3
1 How beautiful are thy feet with shoes, O prince's daughter! the joints of thy thighs are like jewels, the work of the hands of a cunning workman.
2 Thy navel is like a round goblet, which wanteth not liquor: thy belly is like an heap of wheat set about with lilies.
3 Thy two breasts are like two young roes that are twins.
• MATTHEW 5:28-32
28 But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.
29 And if thy right eye offend thee, pluck it out, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell.
30 And if thy right hand offend thee, cut it off, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell.
31 It hath been said, Whosoever shall put away his wife, let him give her a writing of divorcement:
32 But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery.
KJV Romans 1: 24-32
24 Wherefore God also gave them up to uncleanness through the lusts of
their own hearts, to dishonour their own bodies between themselves:
25 Who changed the truth of God into a lie, and worshipped and served the
creature more than the Creator, who is blessed for ever. Amen.
26 For this cause God gave them up unto vile affections: for even their women
did change the natural use into that which is against nature:
27 And likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in
their lust one toward another; men with men working that which is unseemly, and
receiving in themselves that recompence of their error which was meet.
28 And even as they did not like to retain God in their knowledge, God gave them
over to a reprobate mind, to do those things which are not convenient;
29 Being filled with all unrighteousness, fornication, wickedness, covetousness,
maliciousness; full of envy, murder, debate, deceit, malignity; whisperers,
30 Backbiters, haters of God, despiteful, proud, boasters, inventors of evil
things, disobedient to parents,
31 Without understanding, covenant breakers, without natural affection,
implacable, unmerciful:
32 Who knowing the judgment of God, that they which commit such things are
worthy of death, not only do the same, but have pleasure in them that do them
KJV Leviticus 18:21-24
21 And thou shalt not let any of thy seed pass through the fire to Molech,
neither shalt thou profane the name of thy God: I am the LORD.
22 Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind: it is abomination.
23 Neither shalt thou lie with any beast to defile thyself therewith: neither
shall any woman stand before a beast to lie down thereto: it is confusion.
24 Defile not ye yourselves in any of these things: for in all these the nations
are defiled which I cast out before you:
KJV Luke 22: 47-48
47 And while he yet spake, behold a multitude, and he that was called
Judas, one of the twelve, went before them, and drew near unto Jesus to kiss
him.
48 But Jesus said unto him, Judas, betrayest thou the Son of man with a kiss?
KJV Matthew 7:22-23
22 Many will say to me in that day, Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in
thy name? and in thy name have cast out devils? and in thy name done many
wonderful
works?
23 And then will I profess unto them, I never knew you: depart from me, ye that
work iniquity.
KJV Exodus 20:14 Thou shalt not commit adultery.
(Unlike in today's society, sex outside marriage was punishable by stoning to death. they gave a new meaning to stone cold. But the argument of today's people is that we know better.)
Christ came to forgive John 3:16-17
KJV John 3:16-17
16 For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that
whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.
17 For God sent not his Son into the world to condemn the world; but that the
world through him might be saved.
KJV 1 Corinthians 7:37-40
37 Nevertheless he that standeth stedfast in his heart, having no
necessity, but hath power over his own will, and hath so decreed in his heart
that he will keep his
virgin, doeth well.
38 So then he that giveth her in marriage doeth well; but he that giveth her not
in marriage doeth better.
39 The wife is bound by the law as long as her husband liveth; but if her
husband be dead, she is at liberty to be married to whom she will; only in the
Lord.
40 But she is happier if she so abide, after my judgment: and I think also that
I have the Spirit of God.
Leviticus 20:13
If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them.
Humour/Humor
I want to suck you... lick you... wanna move my tongue all over you...wanna feel you in my mouth...yep, tat's how u...eat an ice cream!
(Who doesn't love ice cream)
The kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out
about something exciting and relate it to the class the next day. When the time
came for the little kids to give their reports, the teacher was calling on them
one at a time. She was reluctant to call upon little Johnnie, knowing that he
sometimes could be a bit crude. But eventually his turn came. Little Johnnie
walked up to the front of the class, and with a piece of chalk, made a small
white dot on the blackboard, then sat back down. Well the teacher couldn't
figure out what Johnnie had in mind for his report, so she asked him just what
that was. "It's a period," reported Johnnie. "Well I can see that," she said,
"But what is so exciting about a period." "Damned if I know," said Johnnie, "But
this morning my sister said she missed one. Then Daddy had a heart attack, Mommy
fainted and the man next door shot himself."
(People should move out and marry before pregnancy therefore the wise decide no
intercourse outside marriage)
Dear Employee:
As a result of the
reduction of money budgeted for department areas, we are forced to
cut down on our number of personnel.
Under this plan, older
employees will be asked to take early retirement, thus permitting the
retention of younger people who represent our future. Therefore, a
program to phase out older personnel by the end of the current fiscal
year, via retirement, will be placed into effect immediately.
*
This program will be known as SLAP (Sever Late-Aged
Personnel).
Employees who are SLAPPED will be given the
opportunity to look for jobs
outside the company.
* SLAPPED
employees can request a review of their employment records
before
actual retirement takes place. This review phase of the program
is
called SCREW.
* SCREW (Survey of Capabilities of Retired
Early Workers). All employees
who have been SLAPPED and SCREWED may file an appeal with upper
management.
* This appeal is
called SHAFT (Study by Higher Authority Following Termination).
Under
the terms of the new policy, an employee may be SLAPPED once,
SCREWED
twice, but may be SHAFTED as many times as the company
deems
appropriate.
* If an employee follows the above procedure,
he/she will be entitled to get:
HERPES (Half Earnings for
Retired Personnel's Early Severance) or CLAP
(Combined Lump sum
Assistance Payment).
* As HERPES and CLAP are considered
benefit plans, any employee who
has received HERPES or CLAP will
no longer be SLAPPED or SCREWED
by the company.
*
Management wishes to assure the younger employees who remain on
board
that the company will continue its policy of training
employees
through our: Special High Intensity Training (SHIT).
*
We take pride in the amount of SHIT our employees receive.
*
We have given our employees more SHIT than any company in this
area.
* If any employee feels they do not receive enough SHIT
on the job, see
your immediate supervisor. Your supervisor is
specially trained to make sure
you receive all the SHIT you can
stand.
And, once again, thanks for all your years of service with
us.
The Rev. Al Sharpton held a press conference today to blast Tiger Woods for the
lack of diversity among his mistresses. Sharpton claims that the lack of
African-American women among Woods’ harem will have a negative affect on the
black community, specifically young black girls.
“Why is it that a man who calls himself black can’t bring himself to cheat on
his wife with a black woman?” said Sharpton, speaking to a group of supporters
in Harlem . “What does it say to young black girls everywhere when you pass them
over? Shame on you, Tiger Woods! What would your daddy say?”
Sharpton, who has long championed taking black women as mistresses, said that
today’s black athletes need to stop neglecting black women when it comes to
extramarital affairs, and should follow the examples of positive black role
models such as Jesse Jackson and Martin Luther King, Jr., both of whom cheated
on their wives with black women. Sharpton also stressed that cheating with
African-American women would help the black community financially by giving
black girls the chance to sell their stories to tabloids and gossip magazines.
Added Sharpton, “I’m not asking you to not cheat on your wives –I’m just asking
you to give back to your own community.”
Some Famous quotes on Sex from http://www.2spare.com/
Don't knock masturbation — it's sex with someone love.
Woody Allen
There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL.
Lynn Lavner
Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships
Sharon Stone
My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.
Jack Nicholson
Women need a reason to have sex Men just need a place.
Billy Crystal
There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men think, I know what I'm doing. Just show me somebody naked.
Jerry Seinfeld
Did you ever notice the people who are most adamantly against abortions are people you wouldn't want to fuck in the first place?
George Carlin
I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy.
Tom Clancy
Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
Woody Allen
Son-Dad, what does 'gay' mean? Father- It means 'to be happy' . . . Son-are you gay? Father-No, Son I have a wife....J
*****************
A man married lady traffic police.
Friend- How was your 1st night?
Man-she collected Rs.100 from me for overspeed.
Rs.200 for wrongside entry, Rs 500 for witout helmat.
*****************
Why does a woman have two pair of lips?
One is for fighting and one is to make up
*****************
Catch her by her waist
Bring her home..
Keep ur hand on her neck
Put ur lips on her lips
and have a
nice drink....PEPSI
*****************
A notice in a factory for girl workers.
If your skirt is long, protect yourself from machines at work.
If it is short, protect yourself from men at work
*****************
Bikini is a dress where 90% of the woman body is exposed.. But men r very well-mannered. They don�t look at that 90% they look only at the covered 10%.
*****************
Courtesy of http://www.allbestmessages.com/Sms-Messages.php
Why was Phillip's girlfriend annoyed? Coz she found out that Phillips 24 inch was a TV.
Any woman that thinks the way to a mans heart is through his stomach is aiming just a little too high.
How Dogs and Women are alike..... Neither believe that silence is golden. Neither can balance a checkbook. Both put too much value on kissing.
Confucious say Put rooster in freezer to get a stiff cock.
Confucious say Man have more hair on chest than woman - but on the whole woman have more.
There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL. Lynn Lavner
Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships Sharon Stone
Tonight there will be an ice cream party. All ladies giving milk please come
early.
http://www.freedownloadsgalore.com
→ you can't buy Love... but you can pay heavily.
→ You need Money to call someone Honey
→ My girlfriend told me, I should be more Affectionate, so i got two Girlfriends.
→ We can see more Grafitti's in girls toilet , WHY ?
Because their both hands are free.
→ Definitions :
Home : A place where you can scratch where it itches.
Doctor : A person who cures the ills by pills,
and kills by his bills.
LOVE : Loss Of Valuable Energy
WIFE : Worries Invited For Ever
How do u know when kids start to grow up? Gals grow up when they start to put lipstick n boys grow up when they start to wipe it off!
Fill in the blank with yes or NO only. _______I M NOT A Male. Koi jaldi nahin
hai, aaram se soch kar bata dena.
In chemistry class teacher asked a gal: what r Nitrates Gal answered shyly: night rates, they r costlier than day.
Woman has man in it, Mrs has Mr in it, female has male in it, Madam has adam in it, so girls r always incomplete without boys.
I have started luving ‘U’… I know it sounds rediculous but I can’t control my feelings 4 ‘U’. Some time later I’ll start luving more ALPHABETS…!
I think I should tell you what people are saying behind your back.……. Nice Ass!!!
Q: Which boy has the permission to get into a girls’ bathroom and touch her
anywhere he likes? A: Lifebuoy.
Q: What’s the difference between gud & bad gals? A: Gud gals loosen a few buttons when its hot, bad gals make it hot by loosening a few buttons!
Friendship is like peeing in your pants.
Everyone can see it but only you can
feel
Its true warmth.
Thank you for being The pee in my pants.
http://my.opera.com/kasia4443/blog/2012/03/27/friendship-p
Always start your day with a lot of... S E X
S - SMILE
E - ENERGY
X - XCITEMENT
so make SEX a daily habit, and you’ll always B SUCSEXFUL! in LIFE.
http://my.opera.com/kasia4443/blog/2012/10/31/sex
WHY STUDYING IS USUALLY BETTER THAN SEX..
10. You can usually find some to do it with
9. If you get tired,you can stop,save & pick up from where you left off..
8. You can finish early without feelings of guilt or shame
7. When you open a book,you don't have to worry about who else has opened it
6. A little coffee & you can do it all night
5. If you don't finish a Chapter,you won't gain reputation as a book teaser
4. You can do it,eat & watch TV at the same time
3. You don't get embarassed,if your parents interrupt you in the middle
2. You don't have to put your beer down to do it..
1. If you aren't sure what you're doing,you can always ask your roommate for
help...
*****************
If u're cute, u can call me baby.
If u're nice, u can call me sweetie
But if u're hot, u can call me 2night
http://www.allbestmessages.com/
When she told me I was average, she was just being mean.
Love, lust, and marriage
Posted: 19 Jun 2013 05:22 AM PDT
Love: When you take a bubble bath together
Lust: When you take a bath in Jell-O together
Marriage: When you give the kids a bath
Love: A romantic candlelight dinner for two
Lust: “Do I have to buy you dinner first?”
Marriage: 4 Happy Meals . . . to go
Love: Giving your love some candy
Lust: Thinking you are the candy
Marriage: Scraping candy off of the carpet
Love: A night out at the Symphony
Lust: A night out at the Holiday Inn
Marriage: A night out at Sesame Street On Ice
Love: Aroma — French perfume
Lust: Aroma — Brut aftershave
Marriage: Aroma — “The baby needs changing. . .”
Love: Lending your jacket to your love when he/she is cold
Lust: “I can think of a way to stay warm . . .”
Marriage: Your teenager just took your jacket
Love: Talking and cuddling
Lust: Rolling over and falling asleep
Marriage: Getting up to wash your hands . . .
Love: Finding the “Fell in Love on AOL” chat-room
Lust: Finding the “Blonde Dominatrix” chat-room
Marriage: Finding the “Married and Looking” chat-room
Love: Long drives through the countryside
Lust: Long parking sessions at Lover’s Lookout
Marriage: Long drives with the kids screaming in the back-seat
Love: Sex every night
Lust: Sex 5 times a night
Marriage: Sex?
Definitions Posted: 19 Jun 2013 08:00 AM PDT
ADULT: A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.
BEAUTY PARLOR: A place where women curl up and dye.
CANNIBAL: Someone who is fed up with people.
CHICKENS: The only animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead.
COMMITTEE: A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.
GOSSIP: A person who will never tell a lie if the truth will do more damage.
HANDKERCHIEF: Cold Storage.
INFLATION: Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.
MYTH: A female moth.
MOSQUITO: An insect that makes you like flies better.
RAISIN: Grape with a sunburn.
SECRET: Something you tell to one person at a time.
YAWN: An honest opinion openly expressed.
WRINKLES: Something other people have. You have character lines. and one to tell your boss…
TOMORROW:
One of the greatest labor saving devices of today.
A young couple, on the brink of divorce, visits a marriage counselor. The counselor asks the wife, "What's the problem?"
She says, "My husband suffers from premature ejaculation."
The counselor turns to her husband and inquires, "Is that true?"
The husband replies, "Well not exactly, she's the one that suffers, not me."
Andrea went to the store and bought some "Nair" hair remover. At the register, the pharmacist told her, "If you're going to use this under your arms, don't use deodorant for a few days."
Andrea said, "I'm not using it under my arms."
The pharmacist said, "If you're using it on your legs, don't use body lotion for a couple of days."
Andrea replied, "I'm not using it on my legs either. If you must know, I'm using it on my Schnauzer."
The pharmacist says, "Well, stay off your bicycle for about a week." To continue to receive this ezine, add me to your address book: [email protected]
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"The best engine in the world is the vagina. It can be started with one finger. It is self-lubricating. It takes any size piston. And it changes its own oil every four weeks. It is only a pity that the management system is so f***ing temperamental"
(From the above scientist findings don't all married men have the best engine, self lubricating and everything, unless they are in a relationship that is not accepted by religion. Doesn't God know what he is doing because men are interested in engines, yet they require a lot of work, so this engine is unrivaled to date. "Its the remix to ignition flowing fresh out of the kitchen.")
(Who doesn't love ice cream)
The kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about something exciting and relate it to the class the next day. When the time came for the little kids to give their reports, the teacher was calling on them one at a time. She was reluctant to call upon little Johnnie, knowing that he sometimes could be a bit crude. But eventually his turn came. Little Johnnie walked up to the front of the class, and with a piece of chalk, made a small white dot on the blackboard, then sat back down. Well the teacher couldn't figure out what Johnnie had in mind for his report, so she asked him just what that was. "It's a period," reported Johnnie. "Well I can see that," she said, "But what is so exciting about a period." "Damned if I know," said Johnnie, "But this morning my sister said she missed one. Then Daddy had a heart attack, Mommy fainted and the man next door shot himself."
(People should move out and marry before pregnancy therefore the wise decide no intercourse outside marriage)
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