
asdfOnce upon a time, there lived a man who had a terrible
passion for baked beans. He loved them, but they always had an
embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction on him. One day he met a
girl and fell in love. When it was apparent that they would marry,
he thought to himself "She'll never go for me carrying on like
that," so he made the supreme sacrifice and gave up his beloved
baked beans, and shortly after, that they got married.
It was his birthday a few
months later and, on the way home from work, his car broke down.

Since they lived in the
country, the man called his wife and told her he would be late
because he had to walk.
On his way home, he passed a
small cafe and the wonderful aroma of baked beans overwhelmed him.
Since he still had several miles to walk, he figured he could walk
off any ill effects before he got home. So he went in and ordered,
and before leaving had three extra large helpings of baked beans.
All the way home he 'putt-putted'. He 'putted' down one hill and
'putt-putted' up the next.
By the time he arrived home he
felt reasonably safe. His wife met him at the door and seemed
somewhat excited.

She exclaimed, "Darling, I have
the most wonderful surprise for you for dinner tonight!" She put a
blindfold on him, and led him to his chair at the head of the table
and made him promise not to peek.

At this point he was beginning
to feel another one coming on. Just as she was about to remove the
blindfold, the telephone rang. She again made him promise not to
peek until she returned, and she went to answer the phone. While she
was gone, he seized the opportunity. He shifted his weight to one
leg and let go. It was not only loud, but ripe as a rotten egg. He
had a hard time breathing, so he felt for his napkin and fanned the
air about him. He had just started to feel better, when another urge
came on. He raised his leg and 'rrriiiipppp!' It sounded like a
diesel engine revving, and smelled worse. To keep from gagging, he
tried fanning his arms awhile, hoping the smell would dissipate.
Things had just about returned to normal when he felt another urge
coming. He shifted his weight to his other leg and let go. This was
a real blue-ribbon winner; the windows rattled, the dishes on the
table shook and, a minute later, the flowers on the table were dead.
While keeping an ear tuned in on the conversation in the hallway,
and keeping his promise of staying blindfolded, he carried on like
this for the next ten minutes, farting and fanning them each time
with his napkin. When he heard his wife saying goodbye (indicating
the end of his loneliness, and freedom) he neatly laid his napkin on
his lap and folded his hands on top of it. Smiling contentedly, he
was the picture of innocence when his wife walked in. Apologizing
for taking so long, she asked if he had peeked at the dinner. After
assuring her he had not, she removed the blindfold and yelled,
"Surprise!!"
To his shock and horror, there
were twelve dinner guests seated around the table for his surprise
birthday party.

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